Shire tales
by Soulreciever
Summary: A grouping together of several one shot fics with a common cannon.Frodo's frustraions, Paladine Proves A Point and Gaffer's greivences Each a fluffy, slightly parodied look at the lives of the four hobbits FS MP
1. Frodo's frustrations

Frodo's frustration.

T: Yes I am staying. Waits a moment for cheers. When are none are forth coming pretends she wasn't waiting. This was going to be a drabble to ease my mind but it's progressed into a mini series. LOTR is not mine, if it were then…then…bah it's no good I really cannot get my brain clicked in. Random pre quest pointlessness. Book cannon. Spur of the moment story without any drafting so it may be a little basic in places and slashy, very, VERY, slashy! Oh and angsty.

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Frodo Baggins had officially had enough. It had been a good ten years since Bilbo had left the Shire and at least four more since Sam had become…well…hot!

He'd tried to ignore the change. Tried to pretend that the hard labour the lad did each day in the garden had not firmed his body into rock solid definition, with of course a little bit of padding here and there because of the shear amount of food all Hobbits consumed.

But, rather unfortunately, the weather and fate seemed to be against him.

For each summer after the transmogrification had become progressively hotter and seen Sam in steadily decreasing amounts of clothing, thus exposing more tantalising inches of that tanned, toned and shiny body. Each winter ment days, sometimes weeks with Sam camped out in Bag End with both Bilbo and himself because the snow had kept them in and thus had ment the torture of that physical perfection but inches from himself. And within the intermittent seasons it seemed to rain at the precise moment he was stepping out or into Bag End, thus allowing Frodo the sight of a very wet Sam and his very clingy clothing.

Yet he still had the control necessary to…deal…with his desire, if only because Bilbo had been there constantly watching. Indeed Frodo could remember all to clearly the number of times Bilbo had given The Speech before he had vanished into thin air. The Speech had progressed over time of course, beginning with the simple Just a crush and developing into the Your too close and each time Frodo had heard it he'd felt ashamed and then all the more attracted to Sam. For danger is one of nature's greatest aphrodisiacs.

Yet turned on or no Frodo could do nothing with Bilbo just two doors down from the bedroom and so he'd had to make do with being painfully aroused almost twenty four seven.

And then Bilbo had left and with him so had all traces of the Samwise Gamgee Frodo had believed he knew. For suddenly each time he talked to his friend, Sam's end of the conversation seemed to be loaded with innuendo. It never really mattered if all they were discussing was the simplicity of planting the borders in time for spring or of whom they might like to steal a kiss from when the May Day dance came about. Of course the latter was a harder conversation to be nonchalant about, especially with Sam just inches from him, those beautiful lips shaping into words of passion.

Sam had become blunter as well, the shy retracted nature that seemed to have defined the younger Gamgee while Bilbo had been the Master, fading into something bordering on recklessness now that Frodo had taken up the mantle. Oh it had started subtly enough, with the occasional request to stay at Bag End to ensure Frodo would get to bed at a sensible hour, or perhaps the subtle hint that Sam felt his Master did not eat anywhere near what he should. Then slowly the Sir or Master had faded from the requests and the subtly had vanished entirely from the hints and indeed Sam often used words like handsome or fair when describing how Frodo would look if only he ate a little more.

Thus with weather, lack of parental guidance and an increasingly flirtatious object of desire pilling against him Frodo had decided to cave into the inevitable and seduce Sam. And of course with that momentous decision made one thing occurred to ensure that, for the time being at least, any plans for seduction could not go forth.

That one thing was the closing approach of May Day and the encroachment of one Meriadoc Brandybuck and one Peregrin Took upon Bag End. It must be made clear that on any other May Day Frodo would have been delighted to see his two Cousins. One because having Merry so far away ment a small hole in his heart, for the time spent with the thoughtful Brandybuck in his childhood had made him as a brother to him. Two because it was always nice to have Pip about, the Took having both an insatiable energy to him and a childlike perspective on the world that always brought a smile to Frodo's face. And three, May Day with the pair was always…interesting…for either they would create some stunt that would be talked of for weeks to come, or they would appear at the dance in the most outrageous of outfits and flirt with the most high ranking ladies present.

Yet neither thought of prank nor outlandish behaviour helped console Frodo to the loss of seduction time and thus he greeted his guests with his normal charm severely lacking. Yet Pippin would not be Pippin if a rude good morning could in anyway shape or form could affect his cheery good nature. Instead he turned a little towards Merry and said,

"I rather think Cousin Frodo would be happier if we were not here, Merry." Pippin said, his Tuckborough brogue twisting the nickname just slightly.

"I think you are right, Pip, indeed I believe we may have interrupted something rather important for the look on his face." Merry replied, grey eyes sparking with the faintest hint of mischief. Frodo rolled his eyes and the faintest hint of a smile crept onto his face.

"You will have to forgive me, Masters Meriadoc, Peregrin, but this old Hobbit is rather snarled in his own cares at the moment."

"Oh yes? And would these cares circle around a certain buff gardener that said old Hobbit employs?" Merry enquired. Frodo coloured despite his best effort not to and both Brandybuck and Took broke into laughter.

The May Day dance had just wound down and Frodo was more than a little drunk. It had began innocently enough with a little sip of the ale to calm both his desire and his worry that Sam might at some point in the night take up a young lass to dance with and to kiss should she wish it. Then Merry and Pippin had appeared in their best and Frodo had known almost instantly that this was going to be a year for a prank of some sort. It had become painfully evident what that prank was to be when first the Took and then the Brandybuck had appeared to give him a drink. Not a simple ale or even a glass of Winyards but some of Saradoc Brandybuck's famed strawberry wine. Of course that had ment that after the first two drinks he was drunk enough to accept more when the two re-appeared much later.

A little after that the dancing and the frivolity had stopped suddenly as the two conspirators had broken into a fight. Frodo had been drunk enough by that time to be almost entirely unable to comprehend what was being said, even though both Took and Brandybuck had rather raised their voices by that point. Yet he had been able to understand both Merry's cry of,

"WHAT CHOICE DO I HAVE LEFT?" and Pippin's reply of,

"NONE, AND NEITHER DO I!" To the Brandybuck's retreating form. Of course he had tried to make his way through to Pippin, but what with being at that time almost entirely unable to walk in a straight line and Paladin having already gotten close enough to Pip to push away unwanted attention, he made it only to the edge of the scrum before Sam had caught him into his arms and dragged him over to the side of the dance floor.

"You're drunk." He said as he sat Frodo down onto one of the benches that surrounded the edge of the dance floor.

"'m not drunk, jusht very tishpy." Frodo remarked once he had recalled how to form vaguely comprehensible words.

"Aye well however tipsy you are, Frodo, I defiantly think it is time to get you home." And though his mind was not really working all that well anymore he caught the vague heat in Sam's voice and all his inhibitions lost in a strawberry haze he smirked and planting a sloppy kiss on Sam's forehead said,

"Then take me home," And the Gamgee could not help smiling at that as well, though he still seemed unsure if Frodo was actually still in his right mind.

He took Frodo's wrist gently and pulling his friend to his feet he began to guide him in the general direction of Bag End. Of course the journey was not all together an easy one, what with Frodo being more than a little forward and Sam attempting to keep his own desires routed in the need to have Frodo safe rather than just the desire to have Frodo.

He had always known that his Master was attractive. You would have to be blind not to. Yet he had not really began to think of Frodo as specifically attractive in that kind if a way until Bilbo had disappeared and Frodo had turned to him for support and strength. Perhaps there was something odd in that, but Frodo in need was so very alluring that the Gamgee had been hooked almost instantly and ever since he had dedicated his heart and soul into ensuring that he protected his fragile treasure. And of course that had led him here to this situation, with Frodo's hands roaming in places that elicited less than protective thoughts and Bag End still far far away.

"Can you stop that please?" He enquired and Frodo paused mid grope and managed to look both terribly offended and terribly alluring all with one small pout.

"What's wrong Sam? Don't you like me?" He asked, his words a little more sober than they had been before.

"No, no that's not it, me dear." Sam replied, the endearment slipping out almost unnoticed, "It is just that you are drunk and most likely very unaware of what you are doing."

"I know precisely what I am doing. I care for you a great deal, Samwise Gamgee and all your antics over the past months have driven me almost entirely to distraction." And Frodo moved forwards then, aiming for Sam's lips, but though he was sobering quickly he was still drunk enough to catch the side of the Gamgee's neck instead. Though he was disappointed about missing the opportunity to taste those lips, he was more than repaid by the small noise Sam made at the contact.

"Fool Baggins." Sam managed before he pulled his companion into a very deep and very passionate kiss.

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T: I did warn you didn't I? This is as close to an R rated fic. as I will ever get, though my mind could quite easily go further should I wish. Yes I have a filthy mind. Anyway keep an eye out for the next part Paladin proves a point. Which will explain the argument and may even patch them up if it feels right

RR.


	2. Paladine Proves A Point

Paladin Proves a Point.

T: Hi, as a pre-emptive warning this fic follows the Frodo's frustration timeline so it might not make 100 sense alone. Right that done, LOTR is not mine, if it were then it would most defiantly be N-17 ;). Angst warning and copious nudity…just don't say I didn't warn you! Here I introduce my notes system, for things both informative and humorous (though not at the same time I stress!). There are two more bits to this mini series, another pre-quest and the last post so keep an eye out for them.

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Thain Paladin Took of Tuckborough was tipsy…well if truth be known he was drunk. Very drunk. Indeed he was, for the moment at least, drunker than Saradoc Brandybuck of Buckland, and that was a most terrible thing.

Each Saturday 1 Esmeralda and Eglantine would go to Bag End, have tea with Frodo and catch up on the gossip. Thus with their wives away the Thain and the Master would go down to the Green Dragon and drink until one or the other gave in. The looser would then have to prove some menial task or another or Prove a Point2 as it had lately been dubbed.

Aware that he had won last week and that his lady wife would not be best pleased if he drunk himself into an early grave, Paladin drained his mug and ceremoniously placed it, upside down, onto the table.

An awed hush swept through the Dragon and all eyes turned to Saradoc.

"Come now, Paladin, you hardly gave me a fight this week." Saradoc remarked, his words slurring together slightly.

"Aye, well, I figured you might need a wee hand in winning. What with your humiliating defeat last week and all." The Thain remarked, the drink and the strong Tuckborough brogue of his accent making the words almost indecipherable.

"Well that is as maybe, but whether you did it for pity or not you still have to Prove a Point." And Saradoc paused a moment for effect, taking another swig of his ale before he said, "You must help fix things between our boys." And though the crowd were of the opinion that the task was far too easy, one look to the Thain's face informed them that there was more to this than was evident on the surface

"It is not our place to meddle, Saradoc, especially where the boys are concerned."

"Perhaps that is the usual way of things, but if we let them carry on as they are now there will be nothing but hate between them. No, I will not change my challenge and thus you must meet it or prove yourself no more than a coward." And of course it was this that was Paladin's undoing. There was the Took sense of honour to protect after all.

Unsure as to whether he had heard his father's cautious whisper correctly, Merry enquired,

"You did what?" Saradoc raised his head from his desk and replied,

"I asked him to fix things. And please do not shout so Meriadoc."

"Fix things?" Merry enquired, his voice dropping down into an angry whisper. "What in Elbereth's name gave you the idea that I needed things fixed?"

"You said yourself that Peregrin was being stubborn."

"I said he was being foolish, father, not stubborn. And anyway I can not bother myself with _Peregrin_ any more." Merry said. And despite his rather hung over state Saradoc started at that and enquired,

"Can not bother yourself? What on earth has go into you Merry? Peregrin is the closest friend you have got after Frodo, surly whatever the depute is you can sort it?" Merry's face froze at that and Saradoc knew it was worse than he had first feared.

"No, we can not." Merry said before he turned and left the room.

Paladin was having similar (though less hung over) trouble with his son, though he was attempting to conduct the discussion through a locked door.

"You are being childish, Pip. How do you expect me to talk to you if you will not let me in?"

"I am not a child!" Came the angry reply. "And I do not want to talk about it."

"You are not being fair, Pip."

"And you are only doing this because you lost to Uncle Saradoc yesterday." His son retorted.

"Maybe that is true, Pip, but perhaps it is good that I was asked to do this. After all I can see the distance between Merry and yourself is hurting you."

"I shall learn to live with the hurt eventually," Pippin replied, his voice suddenly emotionless.

"Peregrin." Paladin said, the word both comfort and chide. The door crept open and Pippin stepped into his Father's waiting arms, his small body shaking with pent up grief. "Will you not talk to me? For it hurts me to see you like this without knowing why."

"All you need know is that I can not see Merry again, father, nor be his friend." And that was all Pippin said before he pressed his face into his Father's chest and began to cry.

"And you have asked for my help because?" Frodo enquired as he glanced across the table to his Uncles.

"Because you are the closet thing Merry has to a brother." Saradoc replied

"And because Pip has already come to you about this." Paladin concluded. Frodo looked thoughtful for a moment then smiling just barely he said,

"Though that is true enough I must admit that I was not really listening to Pip, as I was more than a little distracted." Here he gave a small courtesy nod in the direction of one Samwise Gamgee, who was watching the meeting from two tables over with a glare on his face that said that he would rather be with Frodo than with his father and the others on his table. "And if Merry reacted the way you said he did then even I might not be able to get around him."

"No, but you can try. It is not good for them to be like this, Frodo."

"That is true enough. Look I will try the best I can but I can not promise that I will succeed."

"And if you do not we have to think what to do next."

"Yes, well let us not dwell on that yet. Where are they?"

"Pippin was making his way to Bag End."

"And Merry is most likely buried in the library at Brandyhall."

"Well as Pippin will soon be my guest it is only polite that I go and see him." And Frodo stood then and with a wink in Sam's direction, left the pub. The Gamgee seemed intently interested in his bear for a moment before he drunk the lot and followed on his Master's heals.

"Pay up!" Paladin remarked, never one to let a bad situation get in the way of a wager.

"Sounds simple enough." Sam remarked once Frodo had told him their task.

"Sam, pet, it may not sound difficult but they have not spoken to one another for almost three months now."

"Has it truly been that long?"

"Yes, for Pip came to me about this the day after the fight and that was back when we were still finding our…feet…"

"Aye…well, that's proof enough I suppose." Sam remarked, his voice calm though his skin had flushed considerably. "It just seems wrong to me that something could have come between them, for they have always seemed like…like. Well I haven't the words for it, but ye can see what I'm saying can't you, Frodo?"

"Of course I can, Merry and Pip were made for one another just as we were." And Frodo catches Sam's hand then and the Gamgee moves towards that touch, seeking more of the same from lip and tongue. But just as the first scant inches of skin met, Pip's voice rang out from their left in a cry of,

"Hoy! Frodo! Sam!" And they sprang apart, desire still tingling in their spines. "What a pleasure it is to see my two finest fellows looking so very happy." The Took said as he clasped first Frodo and then Sam into a tight hug, thankfully unaware of the murderous look in the pairs eyes.

"And it is good to see you so happy." Frodo remarks, though he can see the grief as a heavy weight in his Cousin's eyes.

"Yes, well you know us Tooks. Always bouncing back." And Frodo wanted to say something then, anything that might bring Pip back to him, but for all the knowledge in his head he could not find the words.

"Beggin your pardon, Mr. Pippin, but it seems to me as though you shouldn't be bouncing back as ye put it." Sam said and Pippin started at the frankness and all of the acceptance and bitter comprehension washed from him then to expose nothing more than a lost and hurt child,

"Why will no one trust me to be adult about this?" He enquired and Sam shook his head and passed a handkerchief to the Took.

"Because ye are not an adult, Mr. Pippin, not by the longest of ways."

"I know, I know. But sometimes it wears thin, you know, being coddled and protected by everyone about you." Pip said once he had composed himself. " Why can I not be allowed sometimes to make my own mistakes and deal with them my way?"

"And how would you deal with this then?" Frodo enquired.

"I would not. Merry has chosen this for the both of us and so I have to move on as best as I can."

"I recall that you alluded to the idea that this had something to do with that row you had at May Day."

"And that is true enough. However, things were winding up to breaking point for a while before that."

"Will you tell the story again, Pip?"

"Fine, but it will not help, Frodo, nothing can.

"Before I came with Merry to Bag End for May Day I had been staying at Brandyhall for the week. To keep Merry occupied as Aunt Esme said when father asked for the need for such a long stay.

"But Merry was having none of it, not this time at least, for he seemed unsettled at my being there and was constantly foisting me off onto the other children. I kept running back to him though and he would always be glad to see me, telling me how sorry he was for pushing me away and asking me to forgive his simple idleness.

"And thus it carried on up until a day before we were due to travel down to Hobbiton. My parents had come to join me at Brandyhall and often I would be with them rather than Merry, yet every time I did get moments with Merry he would seem shaky and half distracted.

"Of course I had no wish to bring whatever the problem was to your doorstep and so I asked him what the matter was,

It is nothing, Pip. He had replied and when I told him that I did not believe him he said I suppose that I have twisted myself up over May Day. And smiled.

"It was the smile more than anything else that convinced me that he was telling the truth and indeed as we got moving towards Hobbiton he seemed to ease back into being good old Merry again. He even planed the idea of getting you drunk, Frodo, saying that it would help you get Sam if nothing else.

"And it was fun to see you take so to Uncle Saradoc's wine and I wondered myself what the fuss was about and began taking flagons of it myself. Not enough to get drunk, before you chide me Frodo. Just to give me a little courage"

"And why would you need such courage Pip?"

"Once we had gotten to the dance and splashed you your first few drinks, Merry vanished in the general direction of the dance floor. I was unsure about whether he would want following, but I was worried about him and thus I took a few drink and when I was less nervous followed after him. He was talking to Estella Bolger and she was saying some rather spiteful things about me and about having me about did nothing for Merry's reputation with the women. I expected Merry to defend me but he did not, at least not really.

Pip's too young to be going about in his own Stella. He said and she had laughed,

He may not be old enough to be alone, Meriadoc Brandybuck, but you are. Let the brat hang out with those more of his own age.

I can not Stella. Pip's my responsibility and I cannot just turn him aside. And that was enough for me, for Estella's taunts were one thing, but for Merry to be so cruel and so retracted about our friendship hurt.

"Thus I made myself known and Estella rolled her eyes and vanished off amongst the dancers.

I thought you were my friend, Merry. I said and he gestured for me to lower my voice before he replied,

I am your friend, Pip.

Really? Are you sure I am not just some burden you feel you must take one or spoil your good name?

Never! He barked back, something wild catching in his eyes. You mean more to me than life itself, Pip. He said and then he paled and took a step back from me, You see? I'm getting too close, too involved. I will be a danger to you, Pip.

What are you saying, Merry? I enquired, suddenly lost.

That I cannot be your friend anymore, Pip, not when I risk you as well as myself.

I do not understand Merry. Please can you not see how lost I am Merry?

Yes I see. He replied and then he turned and began to walk away.

You cannot do this! I barked out at him and he turned and enquired,

WHAT OTHER CHOICE DO I HAVE?

NONE AND NEITHER DO I! I replied, my voice angry now because Merry's was also.

"And that was it. I have not seen or spoken to Merry for so long now and I do not even truly understand why."

"Yes I recall you telling me this now, though you were not so specific the first time." Frodo said, pausing a moment to think before he continued, "And it is clear enough to me why this whole thing started and I believe I need to talk to Merry."

"If you don't mind, sweet, I'll stay with Master Pippin. Get him cheered up and back to how he was." Sam said and Frodo nodded, wishing desperately that he could at least give his Gamgee a farewell kiss 3.

As if seeing the glint of desire in his Cousin's eyes, Pippin winked at him and saying,

"I shall meet you at Bag End, Sam." He walked off in the direction of the Smaile 4.

"Growing up before our eyes that one." Sam mumbled.

"Do not be too sad, love, for it will be a happier time for Pip now." Frodo said as he reached out to caress Sam's face. "Or at least it will be once I make Merry see sense."

"I shall miss you, dear."

"As will I." And Frodo moves then and they meet at last, desire taking over for a moment before they separated, both their breaths heavier now.

"I should go."

"Aye." And Sam releases him then and they go their separate ways.

The library at Brandy Hall was once as a second home to Frodo and he knows each and every secluded spot almost as well as he knows the lines of Sam's face. It is, therefore, but the work of moments to find the pile of books behind which Merry is situated, his attention focused intently upon the current text before him.

He lifted his head when Frodo cleared his throat and after glancing at his Cousin a moment he sighed, closed the book and said,

"I know."

"Meriadoc, Meriadoc." Frodo said and Merry's eyes dimmed,

"How is he?" He enquired after a moment.

"I am not sure if you deserve to know that, Merry. You have been more than a little silly about this."

"No. No, I have not." Merry replied.

"You realise that he is not even sure what it is that has pushed you apart."

"And it is best he never does."

"I will tell him if you do not, Merry."

"Now that is not fair, Frodo."

"No?"

"No. It is my choice to do things this way and I would ask you to respect that."

"Just as you respected my wish to inform Sam of my feelings on my own steam?"

"It is a different situation all together."

"Is it?"

"Yes. Sam is old enough to know what it is that he wants from you, old enough not to be influenced."

"As is Pippin. You would see that if you let yourself."

"How can you be sure of that when I am not, Frodo?"

"Because I do not love him as you do. Because I have seen how well he is handling this situation."

"Then he _is_ well?"

"As well as can be expected when you have taken away his heart, Merry."

"His heart…" And Merry seems to be thinking a moment, his sharp mind turning in on itself before he enquires, "Do you despise me for taking this course, Frodo?"

"No. You are far too dear to me, Merry, that I could not hate you so freely. I hope that you believe that you were doing right, that you over thought something that should have been done with heart rather than head."

"I love him so much, Frodo. Enough so that I wanted him to live his life rather than tying himself to me all for the kindness in his heart."

"I know. But all you have done is hurt him, for he loves you as well. Enough so that he was willing to let you go without argument."

"Are you sure of that? Really sure?" And as Pippin before him there is the hint of the child that Merry had once been in that enquiry and Frodo smiles, for he knows that his task is almost complete.

"I am more than sure Merry. Come back to Bag End with me and tell Pip the truth."

"Give me a moment will you?" He enquires as he finds his feet at last.

"Now then Master Peregrin it is essential that you use only a tea spoon of sugar." Sam remarked as he glanced over to the flour stained Took.

"Sam, why do you still insist on calling me Master Peregrin? Especially now that you and Frodo are…well you know."

"I didn't wish to presume that just because Frodo and I were together I could forget your status or Master Merry's either."

"Well you can forget mine. I feel like my father when you call me Master."

"Now then, and I doubted Frodo when he told me Tooks always contradict themselves, you were just this morning saying that you wanted no more babying."

"Yes well there is treating me like an adult and there is treating me like an old man. I would rather I were treated as the former until I get my first grey hairs."

"Beggin your pardon _pippin_ but at this moment in time you are sporting a fair few grey hairs. What with the flour and all."

"Hmmm…well I can not be the only one here with such marks of age." And without warning Pippin grabbed the bag of flour and threw a considerable amount in Sam's direction.

Once the cloud had settled they were both coated in a thin film of the white powder and Pippin was back over by his batch of biscuit mix, innocently adding just one teaspoon of sugar.

"Meddlesome Took." Sam muttered as he too returned to preparing the mix.

"What next?" Pippin enquired after a moment.

"Cinnamon to taste." Sam replied as he took up the container of spice and shook it over the mix five times before he seemed satisfied.

"Rather a lot of cinnamon is it not? 4"

"Not for Frodo. He'll be very disappointed if he can't taste the spice in his biscuits.5"

"Well I shall go subtle this time I think." Pippin remarked as Sam passed him the spice. He was just raising the item above his mix when the door swung open admitting first Frodo and then Merry, causing the Took to jump just slightly, the action resulting in a large amount of the spice finding its way into the mix. Sam moved with great speed at that, prying the spice form Pippin's hands before he came to stand at Frodo's side.

"Shall we go for a walk, Sam dear?" Frodo enquired, though the grip he placed onto Sam's wrist informed the Gamgee quickly that he could give no refusal.

Once the pair had retreated out of the doorway Merry moved just a little towards pip, his step unsure.

"Something smells nice." He remarked as Pippin pulled his mix from its bowl and began to kneed it into doe.

"Sam has been teaching me how to make biscuits."

"And you have been showing him the more frivolous side of the Tooks." Merry said, gesturing to the flour upon Pippin's waistcoat.

"Yes, well, frivolity is what us Tooks do best." And though the remark is ment to be flippant, Merry knows Pippin too well to accept that fact and moving again he puts a hand to the Took's shoulder before he says,

"Pippin." The word more warning than comfort. And Pippin turns, his small fists connecting softly with Merry's chest a moment before he begins to cry again.

Merry catches him into a hug then, his head moving so that he can place a kiss onto Pippin's russet curls before he says,

"I am sorry, Pip." And he catches a hold of Pippin's chin and tilts that well loved face up towards him. "You see I was being silly as Frodo so eloquently put it. I was afraid of making you care all too much." And this seems to be all Merry can say and leaving the words hanging he lifts his grey eyes to meet Pippin's own green ones. Suddenly the Took finds himself wishing that Merry would finish that sentence, wishing he could know why he feels suddenly very odd indeed. Finds himself wanting the space between them reduced until… and then he knows why he wants these things and with a bright smile he moves to capture Merry's lips in his own.

As they separate Merry laughs high and clear and lifts Pippin as high as the ceiling of Bag End will let him before he lowers him again.

"I love you. I truly do." He remarks before he captures the Took into another kiss.

A week later and Saradoc was wondering if it had been a smart idea to help his son get Pippin back. Not that he minded Merry being happy, it was just that he would like to be able to open a door without shielding his eyes, or even take a bath without picturing…

He shuddered and bracing himself for potential nudity he opened the study door. Thankfully there was nothing on the other side but his desk, upon which was a single biscuit.

He stared at it for a moment and then shrugging his shoulders lifted it to his lips.

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T: Poor Saradoc…any way I'll do the notes,

1. I am not entirely sure if Tolkien changed the days, I can't be bothered to check the appendix at the mo so I'll just leave this as is.

2. Because, according to Shire gossip, the loser wished to Prove that they still had honour even after being drunk under the table by a Brandybuck/Took.

3. It seems odd to me that Frodo and Sam were more than willing to kiss surrounded by houses full of Hobbits guaranteed to talk, but did not dare do so in front of Pip. Probably afraid of corrupting the Took, though there is no real fear of that J.

4. This is about my normal for cinnamon as I'm kind of hooked on the stuff, but I think that this is above average for those wishing a more subtle taste.

5. The biscuits in question are good old Easter biscuits, but as Hobbits do not have Easter they're just biscuits here.

Right that done RR and keep an eye out for the next part: Gaffer's Grievances.


	3. Gaffer's greivences

Gaffer's Grievances.

T: Well I'm back at last with another chapter, sorry it's been a while but you know how it goes…Anyway, this is in the same cannon as Frodo's Frustration and Paladin Proves a point so I recommend that you read those first…though it's not completely necessary. LOTR not mine, if it were then it'd be a fast pace anime by clamp! Sugary sweet humour, mentioning of illicit things and Merry's Face…it'll make sense when you read!

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Hobbiton was generally a quiet suburb with little going on and thus one had to be quite an expert at reading body language and generally listening into the right conversations, if one had wish to learn about the ins and outs of a situation.

Or of course, should you wish the easier option, you could just talk to the Gaffer. The elderly Hobbit was so seemingly innocent that people just included him in their secrets, some hoping that he wasn't as much as a gossip as some said and others telling him so that he would tell others. Therefore, when Merry and Pippin began behaving with even more social ignorance than usual and Paladin and Saradoc began to shield their eyes as they entered rooms, it was to the Gaffer that everyone went for answers.

Yet they got nothing. For the Gaffer was lodged in trying to find out the answer to his own little mystery. A mystery he was less than pleased to be involved in, for he prided himself on his reputation and indeed enjoyed the thrill of being able to impart wisdom that no one else had. Worse though, for his mind, was that this particular mystery involved one of his own children, indeed his brightest (all be it slowest on occasions) child, the one in whom he had invested a hope of doing more than his predecessors.

He had tried asking the lad outright what had got him into such a fluster, but Sam had merely smiled sweetly and informed his father that he had a job to do. Then he had tried asking Mr. Frodo, but every time he tried to speak to the Hobbit, Frodo was always just going out or expecting company.

And now…well he'd all but given up, resorting to listen to the idle gossip at the Dragon and brooding over his grievances. Many of the patrons had already bought him a supportive drink and he was more than sure he was going to regret agreeing to them in the morning.

The door swung open to admit First Merry and Pippin in varying stages of undress and then his son and the young Baggins. Frodo was the one to spot him hidden in the corner and the Baggins lent towards his son and with a flurried gesture drew Sam's attention his way.

He saw the slight wince and so little believed the smile that threatened to split the lad's face as he came to join him.

"You're not normally down in the Dragon at this hour, Dad."

"Well I'm normally more informed of what my addle brained offspring is doing." The Gaffer retorted, the words eloquent despite the drink.

"I'm sorry, dad, perhaps I'd best explain myself."

"Oh you'll do that lad. Right after I've had my say." The Gaffer said as he lent a little forward on the table.

Across the room Frodo turned back towards the bar and both Merry and Pippin who were currently attempting to make themselves presentable again.

"How long until you rescue him?" The Took enquired as he dusted his waistcoat off.

"I will go over once the Gaffer's talked himself blue. Sam will not have the courage to tell him on his own and it will be better coming from us both anyway."

"It will indeed, for you can assure him that you have nothing but good intentions towards his lad. Though I am still not sure this is the best of places to broach such a subject." Merry remarked, his fingers busily straitening his cravat.

"Oh yes and you are one to advise on the ways to broach this subject are you Merry?" Merry had the decency to look embarrassed before he said,

"Yes well, how was I supposed to know he would come home so early?"

"Or indeed that he would be so thoughtless as to walk into his own library without knocking?"

"Will you too stop it? You know Merry always wins this particular argument Frodo and anyway Sam needs you." Pip said inclining his head towards the corner. Turning Frodo could see clearly that Sam was slouched in on himself and that the Gaffer was suddenly immensely intrigued in his pint.

"Well here I go." He said as he grabbed both his drink and the one he had ordered for Sam.

Once Frodo was settled beside the Gamgee Merry enquired,

"How do you fare his chances?"

"Slim to none. That Baggins has no backbone." Pippin responded before he took a sip of his pint and settled in to watch the fireworks.

"Well Mr. Frodo I'm right glad to see you've found time to come down for a drink. What with being so busy of late."

"Things have fallen all in rather a rush recently I fear Hamfast and I must apologise if I have seemed to be ignoring you."

"It's fine, Sir, indeed it wasn't so much your behaviour that was worrying me of late but Sam's here. First he can't wait to be up Bag End and then he's off without word and without sight for weeks on end. And when he comes back he's the nerve to insist that he's not skipping work."

"And he is not, Hamfast. Perhaps I should explain, Samwise has been removed from my employ for a short time, not I must stress because he has done anything wrong or failed to please me in any manner…" And Frodo flushed as his mind ran ahead of him and across the room Merry could not help a small snigger,

"Oh my! It seems the fair Baggins's filthy mind has at last ran to far ahead of him."

"Filthy mind you say? That must be his Brandybuck heritage shining through."

"Oh yes? I would have said it was Tookish nature myself." Merry retorted back and there was such a look of attempted indignation on his face that Pippin broke into a rolling laughter.

That sound distracted the Gaffer long enough for Sam leaned over to Frodo and whispered,

"You assured me you could deal with this."

"I am sorry Sam, you know that I can not help myself sometimes."

"Aye. Well it's my own fault for falling for a Took and a Brandybuck bound all together in one." Sam responded before the Gaffer's eyes again fixed upon them.

"Now then, you were saying."

"Yes. I was trying to tell you that between us Sam and I have decided that it is better that I was not his employer for a while."

"You see I didn't want it getting back to ye through gossip, dad, as I knew it would if I stayed up at Bag End. Ye see Frodo and I have found each other dad."

"Really? So that's the answer to my riddle is it? My lad's taken up with Gentry?" Hamfast enquired before he broke into laughter. "My if I'd of known it was that I'd not have been fretting so these last few weeks. I've known for a while that you two would pair off sooner or later, indeed one of the last things I heard from Mr. Bilbo was a request to ensure ye were good to one another." And he stood, drained his pint, clapped his son once about the shoulder and began his journey back to the Row.

Merry and Pippin replaced him a moment later, the shock as clear on their faces as it was on Frodo and Sam's.

"After all that fuss you only get a faint tease about disappointment? That is very unfair would you not say Merry?" Pippin enquired.

"Indeed it was."

"What are ye two on about now?"

"The ease with which your father accepted that you had taken up with Frodo. I mean even my father, Paladin the Pushover himself gave me The Speech."

"You mean the I have no want to tell you what you should and should not be doing but… Speech?" Frodo enquired.

"The very same."

"Bilbo gave me many variations of that Speech before he left and apparently he gave the Gaffer one as well."

"Ah good old Bilbo! Sharp as a pin even in old age." Merry remarked.

"I wonder, as you too raised an objection, if you had a Speech Merry."

"Indeed I did, before a fair amount of Buckland as well."

"Really?"

"I recall that day. They insisted that I be elsewhere while they spoke to him, but of course I learned everything anyway."

"Ah the dramatics of Uncle Saradoc. He was never one to miss an opportunity." And the four raised their mugs to that.

Back in the comfort of the kitchen of number three Bagshot Row the Gaffer had sat Daddy Twofoot down with a gleam in his eyes and a smile on his lips,

"Ye see Dad, it all boils down to one very simple change…"

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T: As it seems I cannot do humour without getting a vague itchy feeling, am going back to the serious ones. Go and look at Elanor if you do not believe me. However and I hesitate to mention this, I do have a vague parody of the series in mind. May do a tester for this to see how it is received.


End file.
